Mar 23, 2017

I received a card in the mail yesterday from my dear friend, XW. What she wrote resonated a lot with what I have been feeling lately.

I am a little lost. When I imagine the next 6 months of my life, I cannot see one thing that is certain. I feel like there is not one aspect of my life that is stable right now. My career, my love life, my life in general.

My career: I am waiting to hear back from Medicine. A decision that will change the rest of my life. But the uncertainty is killing me. If I don’t get in, I have no idea if I want to pursue another career in science else where, or try something new.

My love life: I’m amazed at how much I can fck things up. I always do this thing where I get scared and push people away when they chase or like me. I don’t know why I do that, but I’ve done it to three good men already. Yet, I can’t get over X. It’s like I’m personally sabatoging my love life.

My life in general: I know I am definitely moving. It is kind of scaring me, I am going to miss my friends and my family so much. And I don’t really know where I want to move to anymore…

I don’t want to be envious. But I am envious of people who seem to have their shit together. At the same time, this lost is nice and exciting; looking back I have been jumping on a plane every month since October, that is amazing. Something that I definitely could not have done if I had my shit together. But I just am sooo tired of this lost.

Really loving this illustration below… as of now, I know I have an amazing support network of friends and family ❤️ and I feel so blessed to have them.

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