Mar 15, 2017

I texted S today… first time in 6 month. I sent a simple message saying I was ready, and if he was, maybe we could catch up. I didn’t expect him to reply… but he did. He replied with a very mature message

“hahah I thought I was but the moment I saw this text my chest tightens and it tells me I’m not ready… so I’d rather not put myself in a position that I’m not comfortable in. However, texting and exchanging questions is fine for the time being”

It made me smile to see the honest but heartfelt reply. We sent a couple more texts back and forth. I told him I’m happy that he’s doing well, then we stopped. I went back and read all the desperate messages I sent to him before, they were so desperate, I was still so hopelessly in love with him back then.

Ironically, X asked me a question today: “What is support?” I answered with a sarcastic physics answer haha then gave him a real answer. Like always, we went tangent and started talking about a bunch of other random things… at one point we were talking about 5 things at ones. X and I do this thing where we number our topics and talk about each individually to help keep it organized. It’s strange because each number feels like a separate conversation.Now that I think about it, the numbering thing is kinda weird… The whole discussion kept my brain so busy, my lab mate and I were legit trying to come up with good rebuttals for some of his opinions that we COMPLETELY did not agree with. Our answers to each other became these big essays that I had to pre-type in a notepad. #intense

My heart is full of love. On a day where I usually cry… instead it was wonderful. I gained closure with S; had some annoying, but insightful, discussions with X; went to yoga; had a wonderful dinner with my roommate.

Current Mood: Open by Rhye


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