Quick update. Things with M are done.
He became too much for me… I saw him casually for a week and he started requesting things from me as if we were in a relationship. For instance, he would complain that I am not affectionate enough with him… or ask me not to do anything when I went to SF. I told him I was emotionally unavailable the first day we hung out and he did not have a problem with it (or so I thought). When I came back from SF super exhausted… he kept pestering to see me because he was curious about what happened. This really annoyed me because 1) I’m so tired, I just want to sit on the couch, drink scotch and watch House. 2) he wanted me to drive over. I didn’t want to drive AND be uncomfortable and forced to do “affectionate” things with him 3) I did not want to cook, I just wanted to eat already prepped food from a restaurant
He actually created extra stress for me… I think I did use him as a replacement for X. Not good. I need to stop doing this and hurting other people.