Mar 2, 2017

The girl slept over a second night at X’s place. I was trying so hard to disregard it, but I really couldn’t. I mean, I have no right to be jealous or feel angry, he was pretty clear with his feelings and intentions when I was in Berkeley. My curiosity got to the best of me, and I asked him about her… but he disregarded my message and didn’t reply me. I think what I have been doing in the past month is trying to hold onto the feelings and experiences X and I shared in the first month of us meeting. The back and fourth texting. The sweet words. Calling each other honey for fun (then for real). But, I was just a rebound. Something that I have been refusing to accept for a long time. I am trying to hold on, thinking it is still there. Expecting it to blossom into something more, when he has already moved on.

…expectation is the root of all heartache…

No doubt what we had was real. When I met the other guy, D, at the rave in SF. We connected, but neither us followed up. It really made what X and I had stand out, how did two people who met only for 4 hours get close so quickly. It was precious and rare and he made me finally put S into long-term storage. For that, X will always hold a dear place in my heart.

Texting everyday really does not help, so I think I’m going to stop talking to him for a bit, until I see him next week. I say that I am going to… but the execution will not be easy or clean.

Side note: Ed Sheeran’s new album just came out. I think my favourite song on the album is “Dive”.


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