-X- love & confusion

After X visited, we continued being us. He uploaded the photos from Vancouver and decided to only post the DERPIEST photos of me. X was going back to his last semester at school, so I was prepared for him to pull away and be more busy. I remember asking him if he would still call me if he had girls over, and he said he didn’t know. I missed him already, and booked a ticket to fly down to see him for the Feb long weekend.

Then one night, he watched La La Land (per my recommendation), and invited a girl over to his place. I didn’t know this until he called me. I could hear him laughing to himself on the phone, and I ask him: “What’s so funny?”. He replied calmly, “well, remember when you asked if I would still call you when I had a girl over? I have a girl over now, and I didn’t even think about it before stepping out to call you.” This made me smile. I cut our conversation short because I knew if I was the girl on the other end, I would not be the happiest clam right now. I told him to go back and we will chat tomorrow.

This was a refreshing feeling. I trusted him completely… Perhaps this was when I fell in love. Or, perhaps, it was the small details and his laugh that slowly, took my heart away.

I went on Vacation with my best friend to Florida. The time difference was 3 hours and I was prepared to not talk to him as much. It’s amazing how much a person can change in a week. We went from calling everyday, texting each other good morning TO late replies and a quite interesting surprise.

The surprise being: he made out with five guys at a gay club. As my gay friend put it “that is four too many”. He had told me he was going to go to a gay club, I completely approved and encouraged him to explore. Yet, when it happened, it made my heart sink a little…

X also started talking to a new girl, his old dance director. I knew it the moment he started pulling away. I felt a storm of emotions: anger, jealousy, forgiveness, hopelessness and love. I felt replaced…. and lost. I started to question if I even wanted to fly down there anymore. Just like that, the two month uphill rollercoaster ride I was on was heading downwards, and I was not ready for gravity to pull me down.


 

 

 

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