Talked with X for 2 hours last night… I missed these phone calls so much. We chatted about whether he should date, and what is the difference between dating and making friends. Things were light and he mocked me several times. Then, things got heavy, I could hear it in his voice. He asked how I was doing, I told him I had ended things with C. He told me he asked one of his friends for her opinion on us. She suggested that we should stop talking because X was wasting my time… I said I didn’t want us to stop talking. We danced around a bunch of other topics until I could hear him drifting into sleepiness. We said “I love you” to each other and I slept with a bittersweet smile on my face.
I have made the decision to spend more time on myself. Figuring out what I want and what I need. Also learning how to appreciate the beauty of being alone. For the first time in a long time, my Google calendar is not jam packed with social events. Instead, I signed up for a yoga membership.
Friendship. Love. Partner. All blend into one with X. Sometimes I wonder if it is only me that feels this way. We are so honest with each other, but why do I feel like we are both holding back a bit when it comes to talking about us. I hope the next two week will be enlightening… flying to X in T-18 days.