X and I are different. We have no similar hobbies, different tastes in music, studied different things and called different cities our home; but at the same time, we felt like we were same person and felt home next to each other. In the span of a month, he slowly took up a space in my heart I no longer thought existed.
December 2016. Holiday party. Open bar. We interacted for only five hours, by the end of the night he had manage to 1) prey into my past 2) open up to me about his past 3) kiss me on a bench in the middle of the promenade 4) make me laugh and 5) barf on my Alexander Wang heels.
The day after, X forgot everything. So we started talking for the sake of piecing together his memory. We got sidetracked very quickly and he started to probe at my deepest secrets. For some reason, I told him. 6 hours later and a spontaneous purchase, he bought a plane ticket to visit me.
The next month after meeting X was a roller coaster ride that only went upwards… Everyday I was happy, but everyday I was scared of free-falling. The first week consisted of late night phone calls. I would sacrifice my beauty sleep, and he would sacrifice his final exams the next day. It was intense but we were both in it… We would catch each other just smiling at the camera and neither of us understood why. Even when there was a 17hour time difference, we would make the effort to talk everyday. I woke up at 7am to say good night. You took a break midday to say good night in the busy streets of Tokyo. I never, for one moment, felt insecure or doubtful.
“But I can’t help falling in love with you”
X wasn’t someone I imagined to fall in love with. I look back now to the night we met, if he had remembered everything, we would have never started talking. If it was just a one night stand, it would have just been a fling in a foreign city. He was younger, not that tall and didn’t understand romance. He did not have anything I was looking for; he was not “my type”. Not only that, there was no physical presence, no expensive dates, no un-divided attention. We had our separate lives 600 miles apart, we were seeing different people, but at the end of the night, he would always call me. X was redefining love for me, I just didn’t know it yet.
a perfect weekend
home, he said
I opened my heart and his remained closed
my heart felt heavy when he left
but was lifted when my phone rang